Final Post

I have come to the decision to discontinue this blog. I was going back and reading the things that I have posted and realized something about myself - I have a distorted view of what my life should be and what would make me happy. I have always looked at myself as worthy of human contact when I am thin and fit, and hibernate in shame when I feel my outside appearance is less than perfect.

I have suffered eating disorders throughout my life and it is time to take my life in a new direction. I am on the journey to make myself whole again. Not by trying to be what I think is perfect but by finding the real me. I don't know who that is yet but I know I am in there somewhere.

There literally hasn't been one day in my life that I have not thought about my weight and appearance and it has to end now. I have such a blessed life and all I can focus on is this? It will take time, I know, and I know once I can do this everything else will fall into place.

I am working out everyday and eating right - but I am trying not to make it the focus of my life. This is really hard for me and it is a struggle everyday but I know if I take one day at a time I can become Milissa the woman, the mother, the wife, the friend and not the girl who has to please everyone and be perfect. The people I keep in my life love me for who I am not for what I look like and it is time that I do the same. I know that once I can do that I can begin to heal.

I will leave you with this saying I heard from someone going through the same thing:

"My body is not the root of my suffering, my mind is. And equally, my body is not the root of my happiness, my mind is."

Thank you all for your support.

Another Week

Last week was ok. I am feeling a little under the weather so I haven't been 100%. This week should be better. I got over one fear though - I actually went out with some friends that I haven't seen for a long time without worrying about what they would think of me since I gained weight. I had a great time and realized that true friends don't care what you look like. I am so glad I went. It is a step in the right direction. I can't wait for this week - I am ready for it!

Nervous Breakdown

OK - so I have had a really rough week of things that are beyond my control and I feel myself going a little nuts. I feel sometimes like I can't handle things that are thrown my way and I feel selfish for wanting time to workout.

I basically have a 1 hour and 5 minute window to workout in the evenings and my workouts range from 60-90 minutes so I already cut some of them short. This last week things kept coming up and I missed FOUR workouts. I was at that point of wanting to give up and then I went to the grocery store. If it isn't hard enough to try and lose weight - try and buy healthy, fresh foods on an extremely tight budget. With my husband in school and our funding taking ages to go through for his student loans we are cutting it close as it is.

I hate feeling sorry for myself and I try hard not to but I just lost it this weekend and had a breakdown. I refuse to get pregnant again until I have lost this weight and I can't lose weight - I am at a stand still right now. I have NEVER had a problem losing weight until now and it is soooo very frustrating. I know part of the problem is lack of sleep - I only sleep about 3-4 hours a night - and it is interrupted sleep. At this point there is not much I can do about that though. I gained a couple pounds back this week and I am disappointed in myself but I can only do what I can do and just keep working towards a healthier me.

This week I am cutting things a little short and leaving off the recipe and such in order to keep up with my life. Thanks for the support thus far and I hope to get back on track this week. Here's hopin'!!

BRING IT!!!

My Update For The Week

Ok, so I went through a tough time over the last couple of months and now I am back and better than ever!! I have started a new fitness regime that fits into my life and I feel a million times better. I just had to figure out what worked for me and I knew that I HAD to make time to workout. I am really weird that I love to workout so hard that I am sore for days and I love to workout while I am sore.
If any of you have ever been up late at night and been watching infomercials, you had to have seen the ad for P90X. It is this totally intense fitness program. I bought it a long time ago (when I was in athlete condition) and whipped it out again two weeks ago to start over. Technically you should already be in pretty good shape to start this, but even when I was in fabulous shape it kicked my butt and it was the first time I had clearly defined stomach muscles. Now I have no grand illusions of a six pack now or ripped biceps – but after doing the program previously I remember feeling euphoric and the best I have ever felt physically. So I started these videos a week ago and am on my way to feeling better. The vids are between one hour and 90 minutes each and they kill me even doing them modified – but I stick to it - 6 days a week with one day for a one hour stretch DVD. I am also walking the Harbor steps at lunch in Seattle (105 steps – 4-6 times up and down each day) and I walk into work every day. I am hoping with all of this and a good life meal plan – I will get back into shape in no time!! I have already noticed a difference in how my clothes are fitting in only one week!!

Tip of the Week
Find time in your day to throw in little workouts throughout the day – or say – “Hey honey – you can watch the kids for awhile while I workout,” this may sound selfish but I know when I am in good shape I am happier, I’m a better wife and a better mom. You are more important than the dishes in the sink or the mess in your room. Make time for you!!

Recipe of the Week

Stuffed Zucchini

I love squash and this is one of my favies– it is fast and you can do so many variations and be creative with it. (Try different veggies and sauces - it all is so yummy!!)

What you will need:

3 medium zucchinis (6-8 inches long)
½ pound extra lean ground turkey
½ can 98% fat free Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup
¾ cup traditional spaghetti sauce (I like Prego)
¼ cup finely chopped onion
3/4 cup green peas
1 cup lowfat cheese
1 egg white
Pepper

How Much Should I Eat?

2 Halves

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.Wash zucchinis and slice in half lengthwise.
2. Scoop out the middle of the zucchini (the guts) seeds and all, puree and set aside for later. Set aside zucchini shells.
3. Brown ½ pound lean ground turkey with chopped onions. Rinse meat.
4. Mix together: meat, zucchini puree, soup, sauce, peas, egg white and pepper (to taste)
5. Place mixture in the zucchini shells
6. Place stuffed zucchini on a cookie sheet with foil underneath sprayed with PAM
7. Place in preheated oven for 30-35 minutes
8. Sprinkle cheese on top and enjoy!

The Stats Per Serving
(Serving = 2 halves)

368 calories

3 grams of fat

Exercise of the Week
Staying with the theme of finding time for a workout and modifying things to fit your schedule - here is a great little toning exercise you can do anywhere. I do them anytime I am in my car and sometimes at my desk at work.

Butt Clenchers

I squeeze my tushy muscles and squeeze my thighs together for the count of ten and release for five seconds and repeat – I don’t keep track of reps. I just do them whenever I think of it for as long as possible.

Goals for the Week
1. Complete all required workouts
2. Eat sensibly, allowing for a treat here and there
3. Prep all meals the night before for the next night so it is quick and easy dinner for the next day (and makes it less likely to grab something “quick” on the way home from work.)

Starting Up Again Monday, September 28, 2009!

Ok - so it has been more than a couple of weeks but I want to get back to posting - so starting next Monday I will begin posting again. It has been a good, but hectic, couple of months and I am excited to get this going again. My progress has been slow but as of the last two weeks, the weight has just started to fall off - I can't wait to see how things progress. See you next week!!

Please Stand By...

Between being a mom, having computer issues, getting sick, working full-time and helping my husband get through college, I have fallen behind. I am taking a couple weeks off from my extra-curricular activities to focus on family and home life and my health.

I will return in a couple of weeks with new postings and updates.

Thank you for your patience and support!

Week Five: I Feel The Burn!

My Update

This week was pretty good. I actually made it to the gym 3 times this week and it felt really good. It’s been a long time since I have felt like that. It hurt so good all week, I think I am a little odd that I absolutely love being sore after working out. I know that when I stop getting sore that I am not doing enough or need to change up my routine. I did lose 4 more pounds in the last two weeks – slow and steady is my goal, it took me almost a year to pack the weight on so I don’t expect it to come off all at once. I am pleased with my progress. There will always be obstacles but I am doing my best to overcome them. There were a couple of really stressful days this last week that I just wanted to binge on all that is bad for me – but I didn’t and I was so proud of myself. Hopefully I can get into the 160’s for my next weigh-in in two weeks!!

Tip of the Week

Getting down on yourself for doing something you think is bad is not going to help while trying to live a healthy lifestyle, in fact it may even hinder your progress. We all make mistakes and we must learn to move past and realize that there will be times we fall the wagon, the most important thing is making sure we climb back on.

Exercise of the Week – Butt Crunches

Do you have a ledge or a slope?

I had a friend once say that you know you have a nice butt if you have a ledge at the bottom – mine is more like a slope. These are great for giving a little lift!

Exercise Instructions

Lie flat on your back on a mat with your knees bent pointing up to the ceiling and your arms at your sides. Raise your pelvis up toward the ceiling to a point where your body will be at a about a 45 degree angle relative to the floor. At the top of the movement, be sure to really flex your butt for a 3 counts. Return to the start position and repeat. Do 3 sets of 15 or until you can really feel the burn. Push yourself!!

*For a more advanced butt crunch – lift one leg in the air while doing performing the exercise.

Goals for the Week

1. Find one thing you like about yourself and have a friend write down one thing they like about you and post somewhere you will see them so you can be reminded of how wonderful you are!
2. Think of one of your favorite meals and try to do your own healthy makeover – it is actually really fun!!
3. Find a buddy to workout with even one day a week – just having someone with you can keep the motivation up.

Meal Makeover of the Week

Breakfast - Pancakes, Eggs & Bacon

PHOTO COMING SOON

I love eating breakfast for dinner – this is my favorite meal to make – it is fast, has great protein, and fills you up without all of the extra calories of a traditional breakfast.

What you will need:
Ingredients for pancakes as below
Cooking spray
Egg Beaters
Lowfat Lower Sodium Turkey Bacon (ButterBall)
Sugar Free Jam

How Much Should I Eat?
3 Four inch pancakes
2 Tbsp sugar free jam
½ cup scrambled Egg Beaters
3 slices turkey bacon

Pancake Recipe
• 1 1/4 cups whole wheat flour
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• ¼ cup egg beaters
• 1 cup nonfat milk
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon artificial sweetener

Directions for Pancakes
1. Sift together flour and baking powder, set aside. Beat together the egg beaters, milk, salt and artificial sweetener in a bowl. Stir in flour until just moistened.
2. Preheat a heavy-bottomed skillet over medium heat, and spray with cooking spray. Pour approximately 1/4 cup of the batter into the pan for each pancake. Cook until bubbly, about 1 1/2 minutes. Turn, and continue cooking until golden brown.

Cook Egg Beaters and bacon to your liking using cooking spray not butter to grease pan. ENJOY!

The Comparison

Ladies in Weighting Version
350 calories
6.5 grams of fat

Denny’s Version
821 calories
39 grams of fat