Final Post

I have come to the decision to discontinue this blog. I was going back and reading the things that I have posted and realized something about myself - I have a distorted view of what my life should be and what would make me happy. I have always looked at myself as worthy of human contact when I am thin and fit, and hibernate in shame when I feel my outside appearance is less than perfect.

I have suffered eating disorders throughout my life and it is time to take my life in a new direction. I am on the journey to make myself whole again. Not by trying to be what I think is perfect but by finding the real me. I don't know who that is yet but I know I am in there somewhere.

There literally hasn't been one day in my life that I have not thought about my weight and appearance and it has to end now. I have such a blessed life and all I can focus on is this? It will take time, I know, and I know once I can do this everything else will fall into place.

I am working out everyday and eating right - but I am trying not to make it the focus of my life. This is really hard for me and it is a struggle everyday but I know if I take one day at a time I can become Milissa the woman, the mother, the wife, the friend and not the girl who has to please everyone and be perfect. The people I keep in my life love me for who I am not for what I look like and it is time that I do the same. I know that once I can do that I can begin to heal.

I will leave you with this saying I heard from someone going through the same thing:

"My body is not the root of my suffering, my mind is. And equally, my body is not the root of my happiness, my mind is."

Thank you all for your support.